I wanted change, but first I didn’t believe I could have it and that was the thing stopping me. Also I wasn’t that passionate about anything, so I didn’t even know what I wanted to change, what direction I wanted to take. All I knew was that I wasn’t happy with how I felt about my life. In this post, I’m sharing where I think it is best to start, when you want change in your life, but you are stuck because of self doubt and an unclear direction. I’m discussing achieving the right mindset and prepping for the change in order to make it possible.
Believing in myself
The first step towards change for me was learning to believe in myself. At first it felt very complicated since I didn’t give myself much time to change my thinking patterns. I got frustrated at myself for having any unpleasant thoughts, which, of course, led to more unpleasant thoughts.
Now looking back a few years later, I would tell myself that it is normal that thinking patterns take time to change. I don’t know much about neural pathways in the brain, but I do know that they are literal paths… the more you walk on one path, the easier it is to take that one. And it is hard to create a new path on an untouched field. That’s why when you are changing the way you think, it’s first hard to think in the new way, because it is unfamiliar, it feels weird. But the more often you choose the new path the easier it becomes to walk (or think, hehe) on that one and it can lead you to a new destination – a healthier, more supportive mind. I learned this from Finding Your Casual Magic podcast by UnJaded Jade. She explains this very well in the first episode of the podcast.
Anyways, this was something I didn’t know when I started my self improvement journey. I was constantly seeking new information on how to stop overthinking, how to be more confident, how to do this and how to do that. If I could give my younger self a piece of advice, I would tell her to allow herself to just be. I wouldn’t tell her to just stop overthinking, since that wouldn’t have worked. I would tell her to let the thoughts come and then calmly question them. The unpleasant thoughts and feelings are allowed to be there, and they don’t have to be ignored. Actually, for me it’s the opposite, they have to be dealt with and then I can accept them and start working on them.
So, for me there was no way to just stop overthinking (well, maybe I could have learned a way to regulate my nervous system, but it always felt difficult for me in the moment when my thoughts were spiralling) but over time I learned how to manage it, and I wrote a whole post about it, which you can read here. But for now, the point is to be patient with yourself. For me, it felt like I would always be stuck in self doubt, but luckily I still had the persistence to at least try to think differently, more positively of myself and my life than before, and soon I noticed how my brain had calmed down. The self doubt noise has faded over time, once I learned to think in a self-supportive way. Because thinking is a skill and skills need practice.
Letting go of the need to know everything
The second step towards change was letting go of the need to know everything about the future. As I said, I wasn’t very passionate about anything in particular. But I did have things that I liked. I have liked being organised since I was a kid, and I got into cooking, fitness and self improvement later on. I didn’t know what I wanted to do for a living, but that shouldn’t have been my main focus anyway. Once I learned to focus on the things I at least like, I became more passionate about them. And this blog is my first attempt to make something out of that passion. I don’t know if this will succeed, but if it doesn’t, I’ll come up with something else. It took me a long time to realise, I don’t actually have to make it, I just have to try. Even if I don’t know whether I’m going to like doing this in the future. Right now I like this, I’m passionate about this, so right now I’m doing this. That’s enough. And in the best case, my inspiration for this blog will only grow over time. There’s no need to have an overly specific plan or a million ideas beforehand. Just go with your own flow and you’ll figure it out, if you are like me. (:
Why this is important
I know this sounds way too vague at first, because practically I’m only telling you to think more positively and stop worrying too much. But I promise there really is a point to why I’m sharing these seemingly superficial tips. Because now that I’m looking back to where I started I don’t think I really understood the importance of believing in myself. Now I know that it’s literally impossible to change if you don’t think you can do it. Believing in yourself is the first thing that will make the change even possible. When you learn to believe in yourself, you’ll be able to start trying.
That brings me to the second step I shared, because you also have to be able to try without knowing how to do everything and how everything will go. If you have been overconsuming self help content but not doing anything with the given advice, stop. Why would you need to know how to do something, how to be something, if you are not going to make it happen? When I learned to filter the content I was consuming, focus only on the advice that actually was relevant for me, my life became a lot clearer. In practice, that means that I don’t watch every Youtube video my favourite creators put out. If I don’t need the information I just won’t watch it. I have other things to do. Don’t just absorb everything you see, learn to seek the information you actually need in the moment. And also, more importantly, learn to take action. Learn to implement the relevant information in your life. When you believe in yourself, you are ready to start and after that you can learn the necessary skills along the way.
Key takeaways
- Identify your limiting beliefs, question them, learn to replace them with supportive thoughts
- It will take time, so be patient with yourself. It’s not the end of the world if you still have some self doubt. Remember that thinking more positively is a skill and you need to practice it for you to become good at it, just like with any other skill.
- Get to know yourself, learn what you want to focus on and seek advice on that and implement the advice in your life. You don’t have to know the whole journey beforehand or even what the destination is. Just focus on what you like and the right path will start forming on its own.